Emotional Requirements for Being a Prison Guard

The minimum requirements for being a prison guard are a High School degree or GED.  You'd be paid more with a Bachelor's or Master's, but you'd still be a guard.  You won't be a supervisor with a college degree. 

But the educational requirements aren't important.  The most important requirements are behavioral/emotional requirements:

1.  Sense of humor:  You have to be a little crazy to work at a prison. You're supervising crazy people (prisoners).  It would help to know when to laugh at their games they play and when they make fun of you and when to write them up for breaking the rules.  I've had prisoners make fun of me to my face and I just laugh it off.  A prisoner often stares at me trying to scare me and I just laugh at it.  It would also help to be crazy in order to escape the stress involved in working there.

2.  Professionalism/maturity:  Don't laugh when you see a naked man or a prisoner taking a dump.  Just ignore it.  They're just genitals.  You see them when you look in the mirror or on your husband.  Also don't joke around all the time.  You have to be serious sometimes or they won't obey your orders.

2.  No self-consciousness:  You cannot be self-conscious (being sensitive about a physical characteristic or thinking people are making fun of it when they're not).  Prisoners have made fun of my voice (sounds kind of feminine sometimes), made fun of how hairy I am, and how I pronounce words.  Doesn't bother me one bit.

3.  Patience:  You have to be patient with prisoners.  At my unit, half of them are deaf, blind, or senile.  If you have to make them sign something, it will take them about 5 minutes to get their attention, tell them what you want, sign it and give it back to you.  If 20 prisoners on your wings want something, it takes about 3 hours to get it.  Meanwhile they're whining that they don't get what they want.  Also, you have to deal with grouchy co-workers who whine that you don't know how to do your job (stuff that doesn't have anything to do with corrections) or they want you to run your wing their way.

4.  Assertiveness:  You're like a cop as a prison guard.  When you're trying to make a prisoner obey rules, you have to say "No.  I want you to...." many times.  If they keep on refusing to obey your orders be sure to write them up.  Be sure to say what you mean.  If you want to write them up, write them up.  Don't say you're going to write them up then fail to do so.

5.  Compassion:  Even though these people have committed crimes, they're still human beings.  If they need something (medicine, someone to talk to, etc.) just listen to what they have to say and honor their request.  If they say "Good morning," or "Thanks" or anything like that reply "Good morning" or "You're welcome."

If you do not have these personality traits, then you will probably be fired, go crazy or become extremely depressed or an alcoholic/drug addict.  Good luck finding a prison to work at!!

Prison Similarities to movies

In my previous post, I told differences of prison in movies to the real thing.  Now here are similarities between working at a prison and how it's portrayed in movies.

1.  Dirty bosses:  I have been working at my unit for a 1 1/2 months and already met dirty bosses.  One boss almost had a guard killed and pushed another one down the stairs.  This same boss also started swinging and yelling at a prisoner for no reason.  Another one on a different shift brought in tobacco (you're not supposed to do that) and got fired.   Of course every job has those who break "nickel and dime" rules and employees who can't get along, so I won't mention them.  (ex: Hadley in "Shawshank Redemption," Boss Paul in "Cool Hand Luke," and Percy in "The Green Mile."). 

2.  "Nice prisoners":  Prisoners are people too.  They like to chat with guards and need someone to listen to.  As much as I hate to admit it, they help me do my job since they know more about it than I do.  It would be rude and mean to tell them to shut up if they just asked you what hobbies you like or ignored the advice they gave me.  I can tell when they're helping me out and when they're giving me crap. (Ex: Edward Delacroix in "Green Mile.")

3.  Mean prisoners and those who mess with you:  Of course there are mean prisoners.  They didn't steal $5 from the collection plate at church or forget to pay their haircut.  I've been bribed with ice cream from a prisoner (refused it of course), had a prisoner ask me where I'm from and he knew me (was laughing maniacally about it the whole time, and didn't know me).  That's just the stuff that you would understand and I feel comfortable saying online.  (Ex: Hannibal Lecter in "Red Dragon" and "Silence of the Lambs," Wild Bill in "Green Mile.")

4.  Slang and shop talk:  You may have noticed I've used words like "row, block, wing, and boss."  I bet you don't know what a Johnny, sallyport, jura and a kite is.  They're a sack lunch, a gate that lets people in and out, Spanish term for "boss", and a letter.

5.  Institutionalized prisoners:  3/4 of the people in prison are old people.  Those old people have probably been there umpteen years or just one day felt like robbing a store  (Examples are Brooks and Red from "Shawshank Redemption.") 

That's all I can think of for now.  Working  for TDCJ is easy.  It's kind of confusing memorizing the schedule and working nights.    

Prison is different than movies

If you don't know already, I'm a prison guard.  If they made a movie based on what it's really like to work at a prison, it would be REALLY BORING!  Working there is A LOT DIFFERENT than the movies.  Here's why:

1.  In the movies, it shows about 5 guards who work a block with about 10 prisoners in 1 row.  In real life, 2 people work 4 blocks (2 blocks per person, 1 on opposite sides of the hall-way).  There are about 60 prisoners per block, 20 prisoners per row, 3 rows a block.  Plus, in the middle of these blocks is a pickett (controls the doors) run by 1 boss and 1 pickett on each side of the hall.

2.  I have to count the prisoners.  Every 2 hours I count prisoners to see if they're in their cell and to check if they're not doing anything bad.  Then I hand the count sheet to the pickett boss and he calls it in to a supervisor, and a hall boss picks the sheet up.   Counting never happens in the movies.

3.  I don't know my co-worker's first names.  Half of the time in the movies, the prisoners and guards know each other's first names.  We call each other by our last names.  Prisoners call us "Mr/Mrs.," "Boss," "Boss-Man/Lady" or "Officer."  Other than people I knew at the academy, guards I knew in high school or college, I don't know their first names.  Plus prisoners don't know my first name either.

4.  I don't know prisoner's names.  In the movies, the guards all know the prisoner's names and call them by their first name.  Unless I have some identification or passing stuff out to them that has their name on it, I don't know their name (and usually forget it).  Then I call them by their last name if I know their name.

5.  I have to give passes.  At the beginning of my shift, I pass out passes called lay-ins for prisoners to go places, and have them sign a paper saying they received them.  This never happens in the movies.

6.  Prisoners don't know personal stuff about me (family problems, etc).  This is a no-no.  A prisoner could be written up for establishing a relationship with a guard.  A prisoner could be like Hannibal Lecter and mess with my head if they knew personal stuff. 

7.  I don't know personal stuff about prisoners.  If I did, I'd tell them to talk to the chaplain or psychologist and tell my supervisor so he could give them a pass.           

Romans 1: 21-25; Emptiness--Prison Story Part I

²¹For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.  ²²Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools  ²³and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

²⁴Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. ²⁵They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

I've been in Mentoring/On-the-job Training at the prison I work at for 2 1/2 weeks now and saw some bad stuff.  I was shadowing this one wing a few days ago.  This one frail old prisoner asked me from his cell if he missed breakfast, and I said no.  I wish you could have seen him.

In those few seconds, I looked into his eyes and face.  His eyes looked sad like he was away from his Heavenly Father.  He was away from his Provider, Physician, Comforter, Friend.  His eyes looked un-natural (and I thought I had un-natural, crazy, psychotic eyes). He filled his God-shaped hole that only God can fill with something like drugs, sex, I don't know.  The guy's face was ragged.  The sins that he has done took a toll on him. That toll looked nothing like aging.  This was like "sin wrinkles" which look worse than aging.  What people in Hell look like. Best way I could describe it.  That guy's face will be forever burned in my memory.

The unit I work at is a medical unit.  I've seen hundreds of prisoners with missing limbs, in walkers, blind, deaf, you name it.  In the cafeteria, same night as the "breakfast guy", I saw one prisoner who didn't have a mouth or teeth. He just had a big hole tucked in where his mouth should be.  His food was liquified and he had to inject it into his "mouth" using a plunger thing and had to gum it. 

Another one had an ear cut off and his prosthetic ear was on a headband near the top of his head away from his "ear stub."  At first I thought the prosthetic ear was contraband-- a headphone or decorative headband.  Then I realized what it was after I got a second look at him. It was saddening to see those 3 prisoners, as well as those hundreds with other disabilities.

Can you imagine being blind, deaf, handicapped, etc?  Not being able to see, hear people, or walk?  Now try that with being in a 10X12 cell, away from all your friends, family, and literally not being able to do what you want.  Plus the guilt of doing something bad which landed you in there.  Some prisoners get disabled from doing drugs, so being handicapped is a consequence of their actions. 

The following day, I was so upset for those prisoners. I was bawling my eyes out for them. As I was thinking about them, I went to the prayer room at the Methodist Center at Sam. I got down on my knees and prayed for them.  "God, please show these prisoners Your love.  Please help them, God.  Show them Your discipline, God."

Then God replied "Don't quit being a prison guard.  You will do wonderful things through Me.  I will be with you always."

I don't know what I will be doing.  I'm still a nervous, snot-nosed trainee. But I am sure it will be amazing if God's involved in it.

Estelle Unit On the Job Training Stories

Since I've passed the TDCJ Academy, I'm at On the Job Training now.  The best way I can describe what a cell block smells like is a combination of a PE locker room, a bathroom towel that hasn't been washed in about a month, and a sliver of soap that you use to wash your hands in the bathroom that hasn't been used in a month.  Those prisoners and guards are crazy.  Even crazier than me (and I'm craziest out of all of my friends)  Here are some stories.

1.  I was shadowing a female guard in Administrative Segregation (who is mixed-black I might add).  A prisoner (didn't see him so don't know what race he was) started to cuss and the guard said "Watch your mouth! I'm racist!"

2.  In General Population, I shadowed a male guard, "Mr. Smith" and every other word was the "F-word."  He was getting onto a prisoner who was walking around but was supposed to be in the dayroom (TV room).  "The mission of TDCJ is to provide public safety and promote positive change in offender behavior.  That means I'm supposed to protect citizens from your f*** a** and f*** boss you around.  Now get your "f***ing a** in the dayroom!"

Mr. Smith also made me practice doing the count.  "Every f***ing time you do a count, you tally up the prisoners and then you do a head count to f***ing make sure you did it correctly.  He got onto me because I messed up.  I told him my numbers and he said "Why did you mess up?" 

"I don't know." 

Smith replied "What don't you know?  One way to really f** up your count is to miscount the prisoners.  Another way to f** up is to add up the total incorrectly." 

3. Yesterday (Friday), in Ad. Seg., the prisoners messed with me big time.  One of them said "Hey, do I know you?  Ha-ha-ha!  Where are you from?" He laughed like the Joker when he said it.  I lied to him and said I'm from Montgomery (Just the first town that came to mind).  Then he burst out laughing like the Joker and said "He** yeah, I know you! Ha-ha!  I've done murder hits there! Ha-ha!" 

I just burst out laughing at him.  It was funny he was making such a big deal out of where I'm from and didn't know me.  You'd have to hear me tell it and imitate his laugh to understand what was so funny since his was a "Joker laugh" like mine.

4.  Also Friday, I was drinking water out of a Gatorade bottle that looked like this (I had to squeeze hard and slurp really hard to get a decent sip of water).  I overheard a prisoner say "He's drinking a mixture of thorazine and amphetamines."  Another one said "I asked him whether he spits or swallows (I don't remember him asking me that).  Look at him sucking that bottle."

5.  Again Friday, another guard came in Ad-Seg. to have a prisoner clean up.  She looked at me and said "Don't be offended, but do you have tobacco in your mouth?"  I said I didn't, got up close to her and opened my mouth to show her.  Maybe it's because of my small mouth and I'm chubby.

6.  About 10 minutes after that, I found out a prisoner had an extra pair of shoes.  I asked the boss I was shadowing "Isn't that contraband?"  She said "Yeah, but this is Ad-Seg.  Things are a bit relaxed here."  She let the prisoner keep the shoes.